When Lonesome is the Safest Home to Go Back to

This is still a story about the ‘LEGO-House Girl’ and her attempts to build a home out of ruins. She’s still the same girl with the odd fondness to the extra-terrestrial thingy; loves ice cream, fruit, and books; with the same murderous intention that is exclusively directed towards the ants; and the celestial dreams that she chase after tirelessly.


However, this story is no longer about the charming prince who rode a unicorn that she lost years ago, or the LEGO-House that she never breaks for Hajime, or a new home that she thought she had found. This story is about her struggle to break free from the spell of a cocoon. A cocoon that she would love to get rid off, but has been bounded to be her safest clam. A cocoon with all its imperfection but turns out to be the thickest fortress she could hanging on her hopes to.


The Saturn’s prince who rode a unicorn was her first attempt to break the spell of the cocoon. With all his infinite love for her, she was very optimistic that if she tried harder and if he could wait for her a little bit longer…, the spell would be broken. Together they had built a castle in which they piled up their dreams of the good days in the future. Where she could belong to him, and he belong to her. Where they would ride on unicorn and flies between the stars. However, eventually she knew that he deserved more than just a castle. He deserve for a palace in which the realities are far more beautiful than dreams that they had together. So, she came back to the cocoon and let him go to the place where he truly belong.


Then there were days of Hajime, with the LEGO-House that she keeps for him up to this day. She always know that Hajime will never set a step into that house, nor that she hopes he will do so. Their days were simply beautiful, and she’s still wishing the same wishes to the stars every nights that somewhere in the later life he will come into the house and maybe spend a night in there. For that reason, she keeps the house standing. However, she knows not to break out of her cocoon easily this time. She’s afraid of dreaming too far like what she had with the prince.


Later on, she had this humble man knocking on her cocoon. Offering her company and a simple happiness. Just to be your man to come home to, he told her. She took the chance and came out clean. However, as soon as she stepped outside, she realized that this man knocked on the wrong door. And that she allowed herself to bleed again. She should’ve known better.


Now, she learnt enough, she hurt enough. That she was a fool to tried to escape from the spell of the cocoon. That there won’t be a Saturn prince, Hajime, or a man to come home to for her. That there are only her and her cocoon. And that somehow her cocoon is the safest place to be, because as dark as it can be, it won’t ever break her heart and let her bleed.


About iconoclasticme

sophisticated early 20s girl (?), with much shitty crisis that makes her so...different. and even though she might not get through it well i

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